Behind the Glass Window...

On April 20th, 1990--I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Back then, only parents and grandparents could come into the room and hold the newborn. My older sister absolutely fell madly in love with my daughter the moment she was born. She kept sneaking into my hospital room to hold her until eventually a nurse kicked her out of my room. She stood outside my room and would stare at her new beautiful niece through the glass at the hospital and cry because she wanted to hold her so bad. 

Today, I felt like my sister did in 1990. I visited my daughter for her 15 minute per week visitation period. I've never visited a county jail to visit someone, certainly not to visit my child. Quite frankly, I was somewhat reluctant to even go. I did go buy the 3 white t-shirts, 3 white pairs of socks, 3 white pairs of underwear and 3 white bras for her and labeled them with her name and took them to the jail on Wednesday. I hadn't really thought I would visit quite yet, but the sweetest lady works at the jail and she gave me a pep talk. She is the person who puts inmates money in the commissary, ensures their belongings get to them that you bring, and organizes visitation 3 times per week. She is definitely placed in that job by God because she is so compassionate, yet knows the rules and does not bend them. She treats the visitors with respect and is just an absolutely precious woman. She told me she had prayed with my daughter. She told me she felt her tremble. She said "Momma, she's in there. Don't give up on that little girl." I gave the usual doubtful look and shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know what more I can do. I've tried everything." She said "Come here, let me show you something." She showed me a portrait of a beautiful blonde girl hanging on her office wall. She told me it was her granddaughter and that she had taken her life 6 years ago. She said that not a day goes by that she doesn't wish she could have one more moment to talk to her, even if it was in a jail cell. That really hit home to me because it reminded me of my friend Alissa, who is coming up on the anniversary of the loss of her son. She told me that she too, would give anything just to hold his hand one more time. Just hear his laugh, or see his eyes with life in them.

So...today I went. I walked into this room full of people. Little kids were with their mom's, and one little boy in particular struck a chord with me. He looked about 10. He looked very disenchanted to be there. We made eye contact. He almost appeared embarrassed. I just smiled at him like "Buddy, I'm with you. I'm embarrassed too--but we are out here." I found myself judging his mother for making him go to the county jail to visit his father. I thought, "He shouldn't have to do this. He should be playing with his friends or at school. He should not have to visit his father in jail!" Some of the people there were so excited to see their loved one and checked in like they had done it a zillion times before. All I kept thinking was "My car is locked. My purse is in my car...will some ass go break into my car and steal my purse while I am sitting in here? That would just be my luck...then I would probably get arrested because I may go so bat shit crazy from stress that I may just pop a cap in someone in the parking lot." This is HOW STRESSED I am and how scattered my thought process becomes. 

The sweet lady at the desk told me to wait a bit until it cleared out so we could have a bit more privacy. I guess towards the end of the hour, it isn't as busy---so as I was waiting, my phone kept ringing. My daughter had been calling me the whole day before and I wasn't answering. 1) It's collect and 2) I'm just not going to be at her beck and call. I did answer the first time yesterday and I told her I would be there for visitation. It was getting to the point that visitation hour was ending and I'm sure she was thinking I wasn't coming. They then called my name to go to stall 6. I walked back there and felt like I was on an episode of a bad tv show. There was a couple a few stalls over that were really happy to see each other and probably not prepared for the ass chewing that was about to take place in Stall 6. She sat down, we both picked up our phones and she said "Hi mom." I said "Hi." She started to cry and said "Mom, I need help. I need treatment." I felt my blood pressure hit the roof. I said "Well, you know, you were supposed to go to treatment two weeks ago but you chose to stay with your boyfriend and do heroin instead and you would still be doing heroin if you weren't in here--so how am I supposed to believe NOW you want treatment? Now it is isn't up to me--its up to you. It's up to you to prove to a judge that you deserve treatment and help. It's up to you to follow through with it, or your life is going to be looking at me through a glass for a long time---or worse, I will be looking down at your grave."  I snapped a photo of her through the glass and told her I was sending it to her brother because he was wanting to know how she was. As soon as I mentioned him, she started to sob. She held her head in her hands and cried and all I could see were the wounds and track marks up and down my baby girl's arms. It angered me more. I wanted to bawl like a baby, but instead I felt so strong that I couldn't squeeze out a tear if I tried. She said "Why did you come, if you didn't want to see me?" I said "I do want to see you. I just don't want to hear your excuses or promises any more. I want to see action. I looked straight into her eyes and I could see her in there. She's deep back there, but she's in there. I told her, "I see it in your eyes... I see my daughter, but I also see the addict wanting to get out...and I'm going to make sure the addict doesn't win." I showed her some videos and pictures on my phone and before we knew it, our 15 minutes were up. She had to go. As she stood up, her hair so long, she pulled it from her neck and I could see more marks on her neck. She said "I love you mom." I said "I love you. I love you very much. Get out your Bible and pray that God will help you fight off this devil disease. Find comfort in prayer. You have a lot of people praying for you."  She shook her head that she would and she walked away. 

I walked out into the lobby and told the lady goodbye and she said "See you next week." I said "Ok, thank you." I got into my car and cried all the way home. 

I am so glad that lady talked me into visiting. Lord, please make this be rock bottom. I cannot thank God enough that she is alive right now. It may be jail, but it's better than the prison her own life had become. 

I pray that all of you struggling with your kids are making strides and opening up communication about drugs with your children. I pray none of you ever have to look at them through a glass window. I pray even more than none of you have to bury them like my friend Alissa. 

Special prayers for the Brock family. I know it's an awful time of the year for them. I need to "count my blessings" as Alissa tells me. I definitely do. 

From the Heart of an Addict...A Message from Kelsey

I have encouraged many people to share their stories of hope and so many have shared them with me--but this special girl, wants to share her message with you:

Overcoming an addiction is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. While getting high, you feel safe from facing life, you can mask out anything and everything that is causing you pain, it's the best excuse to not face reality. But on the other hard, it ruins your life, your dreams, your goals, everything you've ever wanted to do with your life. It consumes you, you feel alone, scared, lost, the list goes on and on. For myself, coming to the realization that I did not want to end up in prison or dead was finally enough. 

For a very long time I thought, "who cares if I die, I won't have to suffer anymore" then thought about how selfish and self centered I was to not even care about who I was hurting and who would be so hurt if I didn't make it. I wanted better for myself, I was desperate. I knew I was near the end. The only thing I had to change about my life was EVERYTHING. I had to remove myself from my home town that I was born and raised in, I had to make new friends and leave the old behind, I had to cut contact with every negative aspect in my life. 

So I guess the message I am trying to send is, YOU CAN RECOVER. I know some of you feel like it is nearly impossible with how deep in addiction you are but it is possible. I know how scary it is. But listen to the person who was in an abusive relationship, my life was controlled, I gave up my family and my true friends for heroin, I did things I can't even believe myself for money, I didn't pay my bills, I couldn't keep a job, I am what is referred to as "a low bottom junkie". 

I lost it all. Almost nine months later, I have a better relationship than I have have with my mom, I have my family back, I have true friends that I love and they love me, I have a healthy relationship with a guy, I have a job house managing at a treatment center, helping people that are just like me, I could go on and on but I'll stop there. 

To anyone who thinks it's too late, it's not. As scary as it is, you have to walk through fear. My best advice is, get help before IT IS TOO LATE and DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE. It is worth it. 

How ISIS uses video games to recruit children

ISIS has been recruiting in new and strategic ways using video games to lure in children and teenagers. Game players in general can utilize ISIS-based games to recruit soldiers.

ISIS supporters are distributing a sickening video game that allows users to play the role of Islamic extremists on a mission to murder Westerners.

Supporters of the terror group, which has brought rape and massacre to vast swathes of Syria and Iraq, have modified the popular video game ARMA III to create characters based on ISIS militants.

Also, thanks to ISIS, the successful video game franchise Grand Theft Auto now has an unauthorized sequel in its series: “Grand Theft Auto: Salil al-Sawarem (Clang of Swords).” The ISIS bootleg features the same carjacking, pistol-whipping mayhem-entertainment as the original, but now players detonate roadside bombs and execute Iraqi police officers.

Of late, ISIS has combined brutality with social media acumen to become one of the most feared and reviled organizations on earth in recent months, publicly releasing videos of beheadings of American and British hostages in addition to broadcasting other unspeakable acts of violence.

Their latest video isn’t that horrific or extreme, but it is three and a half minutes of Grand Theft Auto 5, cut and edited in a way to try and recruit new, young members into the extremist organization.

The video uses clips from Grand Theft Auto 5 to demonstrate that they “do the things you do in games, in real life on the battlefield,” according to a loose translation of the introductory text.

Children who play violent video games may experience an increase in aggressive thoughts, which in turn, could boost their aggressive behavior.

Studies have shown children who played a lot of violent video games showed an increase in aggressive behavior — such as hitting, shoving and pushing — meanwhile, those who decreased the amount of time they spent playing violent video games saw a decrease violent behavior.

Children and adolescents who play a lot of violent games change over time, they start to see aggressive solutions as being more reasonable.

The games were created to "raise the morale of the Mujahideen, and the training of children and young teenagers to fight the West, and throw terror into the hearts of opponents of the state," according to Egyptian news weekly El Fagr.

According to Arabic journalists, the concern is that these images turn into recruitment propaganda aimed to train children and youth how to battle the West and to strike terror into the hearts of those who oppose the Islamic State. The fear is that children are already vulnerable to developing aggressive behaviors after excessive game play and those who suffer from addiction are even more susceptible to developing harmful attitudes and violence against Western cultures.  

White House Drug Reform Policy

Re-treating the War On Drugs? A New National Drug Control Strategy 

The United States "war on drugs" has produced some impressive numbers. For instance, America has the highest population of prisoners than any other nation in the world, nearly half of which are incarcerated for non-violent drug offenses. Unfortunately, though, our "war" has done little to curb the influx and use of illegal drugs in the more than 40 years of enforcement-centric drug policies.

 In July 2014, the Obama Administration released a new national drug control strategy. This approach, according to the Office of National Drug Control Policy, is geared toward evidence-based public health and safety initiatives. The plan also rejects what it refers to as "the false choice between an enforcement-centric "war on drugs" and drug legalization."

One seismic attitude shift is the administration's belief that science has proven addiction is a disease of the brain and not a moral failing. This is a giant leap from previous policies, and proponents of the president's plan feel that this alone will have a great affect in reducing the stigma associated with treatment for drug and alcohol dependency.

President Obama's plan for reforming drug policy and attacking this public health issue is centered around the following 4 initiatives: 

1. Prevent drug abuse before it ever begins through education 
2. Expand access to treatment for Americans struggling with addiction 
3. Reform our criminal justice system to break the cycle of drug abuse, crime and incarceration while protecting public safety 
4. Support Americans in recovery by lifting the stigma associated with those suffering or in recovery from substance abuse disorders 

Specifically, this new strategy will address the national epidemic of opioid abuse by, among other things, having the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) fast-track an auto-injector for opioid overdose reversal. It will also release an opioid overdose toolkit created by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).

Along with public education programs for prevention, the administration's affordable care act makes it illegal for insurance companies to refuse treatment to people struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. The "smart on crime" section of the plan intends to reform federal mandatory minimum sentencing policies regarding drug offenses, and to offer alternatives, such as treatment overseen by drug courts.

The Obama administration is keen to point out that 43 percent of the nation's drug budget is spent on treatment and prevention. The amount of spending in these efforts has grown every year, and is currently at its highest level in 12 years.

Critics of this new plan, however, are countering with the fact that of the $25.6 billion requested for the drug war in 2013, $15 billion would still go to law enforcement. Some estimates put the total of a four-decade long "war on drugs" at $1 trillion out of the American taxpayers pockets.

Despite the argument that the new national drug control policies don't go far enough, there's no denying that a more rational and science based approach to drug and alcohol addiction is making its way into the hallowed halls of government. This is an incredibly positive step in the right direction.

The Science Behind Drunk Driving

We all know the difference between right and wrong, but sometimes we stretch the limits just a bit because some wrongs don't seem like they're all that wrong. We probably shouldn't have that extra cookie after dinner but it won't really hurt us that much. Or not coming to a "complete stop" at a stop sign when it's midnight and there's no other traffic around.  Even driving 60 mph on the highway in a 55 mph zone is technically wrong but we probably won't get a ticket for doing it. Besides, everyone else is going even faster.

Other things though, are definitely wrong, and we know they're wrong while we're doing them. Drunk driving is one of those wrongs that plenty of people do, and most of the time nobody gets hurt, and they get away with it. But the margin for error is so small, and the consequences of getting a ticket or hurting somebody make it something that needs to be addressed by everyone. Permanently.

Over the years, the national DUI limit has dropped down to .08 percent Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) for every state in America. That's not very much for most people, and it only suggests the agreed upon level for being legally drunk. Impairment starts at half that point when the BAC is at .04%.

The infographic below titled, "The Scientific Effects of Drunk Driving," was created by Total DUI and contains some enlightening information about drinking and driving. You can see a larger version here.

As you can see from the image, while most people might think they're perfectly fine to drive after one or two drinks, many factors determine how alcohol affects the brain, including age, health, and how much and how long the person has been drinking before driving.

As mentioned before, impairment occurs before a person is legally drunk, and even minor impairment causes a person to have poor reflexes and coordination, as well as muscle control and driving skills. Is it really that necessary to drive when vision and brain function are impaired? It isn't when other lives are at stake.

Many people are actually quite responsible when it comes to drinking and driving. Even so, it only takes one time to slip for a catastrophe to happen. Nobody that is ever responsible for a DUI accident intends for it to happen, and every one of them would take it back if they could. But there's simply no way take back something that has already happened.

Prevention is the best policy and we need a nationwide revolution to take place where everyone who drives, agrees that driving while intoxicated is the one thing that none of us will ever do. Some of us may be tired of hearing this message, but others still haven't heard it. And until that day comes where everyone stops driving drunk, we hope to see more infographics like this one published and shared everywhere.

The Gender Differences of Depression for Men and Women

It's certainly a wild exaggeration that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but the point that men and women are different holds true in a variety of ways. Sports and shopping quickly come to mind for most of us, and the way each is connected to babies on a physical and emotional level couldn't be farther apart. The list goes on but are there differences in mental disorders for things like depression?

As it turns out, there are a lot of research studies that show men and women have quite a few gender differences when it comes to depression. Several studies in the 80s and 90s have shown that women are twice as likely as men to suffer from depression.

The differences between the sexes relating to depression also show that there are specific reasons for the variations as well as the way in which each gender deals with depression. For example, many women experience post-partum depression related to hormones, among other things, while only about 1 in 10 new fathers suffer from post-partum depression.

The suicide rate for men is four times that of women, representing one of the largest differences as illustrated in the infographic below.

However, the biggest gender differences related to depression are the ways in which men and women deal with the problem. Women more often than men feel sad, helpless, sleep more and eat more.

Men on the other hand, are more aggressive in dealing with depression, and tend to become angry, turn to drugs and alcohol, and actually sleep less. For some people, it's difficult to tell if depression leads to drug or alcohol abuse, or if the substance abuse leads to depression. Either way, the two go hand in hand, and the numbers are much higher for men than for women.

Both men and women sometimes attempt suicide, but women usually fail while men are more successful.

The inforgraphic below from About Depression Facts breaks it all down into easy to read sections to get the full scoop.

Learning about depression and some of these differences may help people understand they should seek help if they're having trouble, before they experience more serious problems.

Because depression is treatable with medication, counseling, and/or psychotherapy, there's no reason for anybody to suffer through it alone or without help.

7 Factors That Contribute to the Risk of Addiction

It's no surprise to anyone that we might be at risk of developing cancer, diabetes or heart disease at some point in our lifetime. And most of us are well aware of the risk factors that can tip the scales in getting any of these diseases, such as an unhealthy lifestyle, lack of exercise, smoking, and eating too much of the wrong kinds of food. But most of us often overlook our vulnerability to drug or alcohol addiction, and many don't even know what factors might contribute to addiction.

Certainly there are many factors that can increase the likelihood of developing an addiction, but the following seven factors are at the top of the list for increasing the chances of becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Genetic Makeup

Genes can play a part in whether or not a person is susceptible to addiction. Researchers from the Universidad de Granada, Spain noted that alcoholics are 6 times as likely to have a relative that's an alcoholic than people without the same lineage. Because of this, it's important to be mindful of how genetics can increase the predisposition to developing an addiction.

Psychiatric and Psychological

Adolescents and adults with mental disorders also have a greater probability for addiction. Some of the mental health issues that can put a person at risk include obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorders (ADHD), depression, anxiety and bipolar conditions. It’s important to note, that impulsivity and thrill seeking are two psychological factors that have been reported to have a much higher risk for drug use.

Gender

We know that female adolescents struggle with addictions more than males of the same age, but as they get older, men have more problems with addiction than women. Also, according to the CDC, 17% of men and 8% of women struggle with alcoholism, although the percentages for women have been increasing slightly in the past 30 years.

Home and Family Dysfunction

The likelihood of children using drugs and developing addictions increases significantly when they have family members abusing drugs and alcohol or engaging in criminal activity. These kinds of environments usually have a lack of close family attachments, as well poor parental supervision that contributes to addictive tendencies.

Strong Peer Pressure

It's most often friends and acquaintances that pressure and encourage a young person to experiment with drugs or alcohol for the first time. Depending on additional risk factors that the teen may have working against them, this experimentation can often quickly develop into addiction. No matter the upbringing, human nature dictates the stages of need that we all cycle through. Young children go through three stages of closeness with their parents: hold me tight, put me down, and leave me alone. During the teen years, these stages begin again with peer groups and depending on the group values, may include drug and alcohol use as a means of acceptance.

Early Use

Because a teen’s brain is still in the developmental stages, drugs and alcohol quickly affect the chemical balance causing the brain to become hard-wired for addiction much quicker than would happen with an adult. Because early use can be an indicator of continued use, the teenage years are often problematic if other risk factors are at play.

Type of Use

It's easier to become addicted to a drug much quicker if it is smoked or injected into the veins because it reaches the brain so quickly and with such powerful intensity. Scientists feel that since the "rush" fades quickly and takes the drug user to low or normal levels sooner, they are driven to continue using the drug repeatedly in an attempt to achieve the same high. This is why people can become addicted to heroin or crack cocaine in a very short amount of time.

Importance of Personal Assessment

Addiction is almost always preventable but determining the cause of addiction is complicated at best. The seven risk factors for addiction listed here are by no means the only ones, yet they are certainly the most predominant. By understanding and identifying the risks, many people can reduce their vulnerability and prevent addiction from happening before it ever has a chance to do it’s destruction.