Obviously it wasn't easy to start blogging. It took encouragement from friends, family, approval from my daughter and support from my biggest ally--my husband. Throwing yourself out into the public shaming or embarrassment or gossip topic is never easy, but I got to the point, that I really don't care about those thing if it saves someone's life. During the last week, I have been bombarded with messages from families just like ours who are struggling to keep their loved one afloat. I've been given pictures of family members and been told stories to share regarding many people and their addiction. I promise each of you that have shared your story--I will get it out there. I just simply am overwhelmed with the responses...so bare with me as I sort through them. I try to answer each and every message though.
Although 99% of the feedback has been good--we have had some negative. One family in particular sent me a picture of their son, who passed away of an opiate overdose. He was unmarried and his mother and stepfather are active in addiction recovery groups. His mother also asked his biological father for his blessing to share. They should be really the only people that matter, in my opinion. Yes, I do agree that siblings also have a key role and have to deal with as much grief as a parent, so I don't look past their role either. Over the last two days the berating this family took on the page, really infuriated me. I deleted the foul mouthed, nasty comment received today, but I wanted to fire back a foul mouthed response. I decided that was not the way to go. Being the day after Easter, I chose to turn the other cheek. However, if anyone has a complaint--they are welcome to privately message me---but do NOT berate the families who choose to tell their story. They have every right to be heard, to mourn, to talk, to openly share---without your shame. I have never even met this family in person, so it was the first time that I posted a picture without knowing personally a story--I knew there was going to be some risk involved and I'm a big girl. I can handle backlash. What I can't handle is ignorance. Ignorance solves nothing and when you decide to bash a family on a public forum who buried their son and are trying to impact other people's lives in a positive manner--that is ignorance. Please have respect for those who do so or I will utilize the "block" feature in the future.
Dealing with addiction is personal. I completely get that. I would never post someone's photo or story or quote them without their permission or request. Ever. Not even my own daughter. I think every family deserves to deal with their pain in their own way. I've had many people write me just to talk to me, not to publicly share but just to talk---and I respect that. It is their choice as to whether they want to share their story. They deserve to read, think, pray, meditate or even just speak through me. It's their right. I would never cross that boundary.
The problem with getting this topic discussed openly with kids is the fact that even adults are scared to talk about it. It is the big elephant in the room and it is getting bigger by the minute. If you want your children to be able to open up to you, to be able to confess they need help--open up that communication with them. It's not a pleasant topic--but it's a needed topic. If your friends are doing things that could kill them---TELL SOMEONE. Don't be silent out of "respect" for them. How is it respectful to watch someone die?? Please tell me what kind of "friendship" that is---because to me, it is not friendship--it is selfishness and it is irresponsible and it is not a friendship. To be loyal to someone's use of drugs when they are a kid, is not doing them a favor. To know that someone's son or daughter is using drugs is not something you gossip about or use as a topic behind their back---step up and tell their parents. If more people had the courage to step forward, think of how many others could be helped or even lives saved.
Denial is a huge part of addiction and whether its the addict or their loved ones in denial, it's a problem. Maybe someone thinks their addiction is under control or that they can stop it when they want--but that is part of the tightrope they are walking, without a net.
If this blog does anything positive, I want it to get people to think and pay attention. I want them to understand the threats our children face and learn from the signs that I missed. If sharing a picture of my daughter being an addict, makes me a bad person in your eyes, so be it. She is my daughter and it is my choice. It is her addiction and she allows me to share it. She allows me to share it because she wants to save someone else. Sharing it is the not the answer for every family and that is their personal choice. No one should be shamed to do one or the other. This is about learning. This is about awareness. If I can be the voice for a mom who has a daughter sitting in a jail cell tonight, like mine is--then that is my right to do so.
If an addict chooses to show their picture on my page and say they are clean or they are battling, then that is their choice. They should be commended. They are trying to help others. Do not shame anyone on my page. If shame is your goal--then you perhaps need to look in the mirror at your own demons staring back at you.
No comments:
Post a Comment