One of the people who passed, was my new daughter-in-law's grandpa. She was very close to him and only one of four grandchildren. No divorce among their entire family, so unlike my fleet of family members, they are very small and very close. He was a pillar in their community and it showed on the day of his service. The church was packed, with people in the choir section; people standing; people in the balcony; and unfortunately it overfilled to capacity where they could hold no more. That is the kind of man he was---LOVED. During his eulogy, people spoke of his stubbornness but his loyalty; his expectations and his pride; his passion and his love. It was a beautiful service and spot on descriptions of the man we came to know over the past six years. We are blessed to have known him and glad he is no longer in pain.
Often times, people die earlier than expected--in a car accident, a sudden death or from their own actions. It's always easier to grasp or understand when someone is ill and their pain is no more--but when someone dies suddenly, it is hard to wrap your mind around. It's hard to not question the "what if's." I often times had planned my daughter's funeral in my head and even on paper and wondered how I would write her story if something happened to her suddenly. Would I hide behind the fact she was an addict? Would I ignore the fact she caused her own fate? Would I only tell the good stories and not the bad? Would I tell her story as a lesson, or focus on the person we knew was still in there? Hard decisions and a personal choice and I respect every families decision on how they handle the situation. I really do not know for certain what I would do.
The thing is though--your story can be written by you. You cannot change your past but you can change your future. I've often told my daughter that if she lived a full and happy life, free of addiction and made better choices--that later in years people forget the bad or struggles and will see "Addi" instead. Once you have started making good decisions, as years pass, people forget the mistakes and see the change in a person. Eventually her early years would fade. I've met people in adulthood who have told me their struggles when they were younger and can not even fathom that person being an "Addi." Isn't that a great tribute to someone when you don't remember their past they chose to re-write? You have to allow people that ability though. You cannot continue to make the same mistakes, or your legacy will follow you and people will write your life story for you. I often get messages from people that say things such as "I know Addi will be a leader and she is going to open doors for people." That is great if she can lead someone else to addiction freedom, if she can tell her story to help others, which she does through me right now. Eventually she wants to become an addiction counselor, but first she wants to get well on her own accord. She wants to be strong enough to stand on her own two feet before she can hold up anyone else. She is attempting to re-write her life story through her own actions.
Think about this--if you passed away today. What would be your legacy? What would be the things people said about you? If that question scares you---then re-write your story. Re-write your own ending. Get help. Find new friends that allow you to grow. Break the cycle of crime, drugs and being known to the police departments. Get a job. Work hard. Have pride in yourself. Do things for others. Turn your life around before your life story is a sad ending. Don't allow people the power to re-paint the picture of who you really were---write it yourself so that everyone is certain. Create your own legacy. Be your own person. F-L-Y-- First Love Yourself.
I hope Addi's ending doesn't happen for many years and I hope I am long gone by the time it happens. I never thought that would be possible, but by her taking the first steps in recovery, she started re-writing her story. Re-write yours while you have a chance.
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