Dear Opiates/Heroin: A Letter I Wrote 4 Years Ago

The first time my daughter entered treatment, was August 2012. At that time, the treatment center asked me to write a letter to my daughter's demon--opiates/heroin. I can remember writing it, and then feeling disappointed that I had no one to read it to---that there was no one I could scream the words and that they would listen. Today, I was cleaning closets and found a box of items that belong to Addi. In it, I found my letter. 4 years later, the words still ring true. I hope some of you will relate to the same feelings.

Dear Opiates/Heroin:

     You have taken so many precious things from me. First and foremost, you took my daughter for the last four years.

     I was not familiar with your face. I was not familiar with your signs. I never knew about the hold you had on my daughter until it was so strong, that I still fear the bond may never be broken for long.

     My daughter was a beautiful, funny, athletic young lady who made good grades and had a lot of friends. You crept into her life like a thief in the night and you stole her innocence.

     For the past 4 years, I've had to watch my daughter slowly die a painful and sad death. She grew to hate me because I hated you. She resented me when I found out about you and attempted to get her help. You took away her youth, her college years and you took away some of my son's teenage years because he had to be the "man of the house" and constantly looking out for his sister. I hate you, opiates because you have taken away my faith. You have made me doubt myself as a mother.

      The lies my daughter has told me, the things she has stolen from me, the hurtful words she has spoken to me and the fact that her life has become a human wrecking ball in my life are all just a portion of the reasons I hate you.

     You took away the chance to see my daughter walk across a stage and celebrate her high school graduation. You took away the chance of seeing her succeed in college and you took away her dreams to be a teacher. You allowed people in my home and our lives that I wouldn't let in my dog's life, let alone my child's.

     You took away my sleep, my finances and my ability to perform well at my job because you gave me so much stress that it was intolerable. You caused my son to have to hear me cry so many nights, wondering if my daughter was alive or dead. You cost me THREE cars--but I blame myself for that because I should have never replaced the first one. You took away the close bond of my family. YOU, opiates--are the Devil. You are the most evil force I have ever fought against.

     You have caused me and my husband to argue and I've had to set boundaries in my life that will force me to choose between my child and ultimately, my grandchild.

     YOU have ruined 4 years of my life!!!!!!

     This is your last and final warning to leave my family alone. I've given up everything in my daily life so that my daughter can focus on her treatment and get rid of you. It is time that you take your hold off of my family.

     Any one or anything that resembles you or the pain you cause, will not be allowed around my family. I WILL fight back hard this time and I DO know your face, so my ignorance about you is gone. I know who you are, I know who your friends are and they are not allowed in our lives. I will stop those who sell you. I will report those who prescribe you in voluminous amounts.  If my daughter chooses you or those that still love you--then I will have no choice than to close this chapter in my life and walk away from both of you.

     This is it. The time has come that you must go away. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want to see her be a mommy. I want to see her believe in herself again. I want to see her be a sister again. I want to see her use her brain again. I want her to make us laugh again. I want to see her finish school with the brain God gave her that you tried to take away. I want her to learn the values she was taught such as hard work. I want her enablers to know I will hunt them down. I want back my child.

     Goodbye, opiates.  Goodbye heroin.  Goodbye drugs.  I'm fighting back.
             
                                                                                         Stephanie
                                                                                         9/21/2012


 Wow. I was one aggravated mom. I was on a mission back then and didn't even know it yet...and then began "My Addiction to Addiction."

Thank you God for sparing her life and for giving me my daughter back.

I have faith. I have hope...and YOU can too.

Keep goin' sis.  We love you so much and are so proud of you.