Here are some of the questions and answers:
1. "What was the event that occurred that made you figure out your daughter was on opiates?"
That was not a light bulb that immediately turned on. She had several car accidents in a short period of time and the first two, she was tested for alcohol (which I thought alcohol was the thing to fear) and passed a breathalyzer. She then had a terrible wreck that could have killed her--but that time she was drinking...so then I was convinced alcohol was the issue, but something was definitely "off." I started noticing white residue on her dresser and kept thinking it was baby powder. (I later discovered it was crushed pill residue). I saw scrapes or lines on her dresser--I thought it was from laying her curling iron or straightener on it. One day I found a straws, near by the white baby powder. I still didn't catch on. Then when cleaning out a drawer, looking for some answers to my suspicions of what was going on, I found empty pill bottles in a drawer and all the labels were peeled off. I made her take a drug test and she passed. A urinalysis is hard to catch opiates. You almost have to give them a test immediately upon consumption I learned. The biggest red flag to me was her lack of interest in life. She slept a lot, was careless with her belongings, breaking phones, losing phones, losing things of value, disrespecting our home and our personal belongings and very withdrawn. I still had no idea what was truly happening. Her eyes had a certain look and so one day I googled "my child's eyes look funny. I suspect drug use." It gave me the term "pin point pupils" and I knew that was "the look." She denied it and at that time refused to take a drug test. If your kid refuses to take a drug test-- its for one reason only-- they are going to fail. She used the "I cannot believe you don't believe me!" and the "I will just move out if that is how you think of me." She did move out. So there wasn't one singular defining moment...there were a bunch. I just didn't know how to recognize it. Now I see it, but hindsight is 20/20. The heroin didn't start until she had moved out. I was not aware of that full extent for even longer. When I became aware of IV drug use, she was not living at home and basically I had little control to see her each day. "Spider bites" was always the explanation for injection sites. I caught on to that pretty fast. No one is bit by a spider that often. Duhhhh, right? I learned in family class that "spider bite" is the most often used excuse.
2. "What signs would you tell parents to look for?" I asked two women in recovery to answer that question. Both said "Change of friends and hobbies." If they suddenly stop participating in activities they have enjoyed in the past, that is a big red flag. If all of a sudden your child in band, kid on the baseball team--wants to quit--ask questions. Encourage them to keep playing and doing the things the love. Keeping them involved in healthy activities is so important. Keeping them connected to good friends is so important. Keeping an eye open on a switch of friends, is crucial.
One of the girls said also that if your child is always wanting to spend the night with a friend rather than be home, to pay close attention. She said its scarier facing your parents when you are high because you feel more guilt, and other parents wouldn't recognize odd behavior. She would advise to keep it balanced and ALWAYS know the other parents and make contact with them to ensure they are staying there.
Her exact advice was:
"For me my gosh I look back and think my goodness, the signs were so evident. I quit all sports...which I had played since 4. Big big big sign. When your teenager suddenly always wants to stay the night and do things with their friends....away from home. That's huge I think. I used to love having friends over- until I started dabbling in drugs. Then I wanted to stay at friends houses. Something about being high going back to a friends I felt I could do over my own parents. Plus I decided they were boring. Lot of parents mistake this as "there a teenager and just want to go be with their friends" this is true but if they can be with their friends at their friends homes, why not yours? They should ask themselves that. As a teen my parents thought I was great! But I knew what to do say and how to act in order to appear like everything was great. I lived it."
"Consequences" was another word used frequently. Like most parents, we believe our kids and want to think they tell us the truth. If you catch them in a lie, or they aren't staying where they said--ground them. Take that cell phone and cut off social media. Consequences were not something I gave my daughter enough of early on. Her behavior change was so rapid and on the heels of losing her biggest male father figure at the time (her Papa)--that I gave her way too much slack. Consequences are hard to enforce, but can save your child's life.
Know their friends. Really know them. Have them over. Talk to them.
Watch your child's social media. Watch their friends lists, watch their posts and look at pictures. Something kids of this generation do-- is air their behavior to their friends. Ask them questions about posts. Have the passwords to their accounts and passcodes to their phones. It is NOT invading their privacy. It is keeping them safe from the ugly realities of this world. You are footing the bill. They are living under your roof. You have every right to know what they are doing. In fact, you owe them that "nosiness." Someday they will be grateful for it. Pictures tell a thousand words too. There have been times I have seen a picture pop up on a Facebook account and thought, "dang it. He looks high" or "Her eyes have those dark circles" and I have seen the pin point pupils on many kids on my own Facebook. It scares me to death for them. Note to reader--if I am talking about you and you delete me, I am telling your parents. :) I'm not kidding. I will call them. I'm talking to you. Start talking to me if you feel comfortable. I will be happy to help you.
I look back at my son's Facebook and so many people added him that were adults that he didn't know just because they were high school football fans. 99% were fine--but that 1% was selling and giving drugs to kids. When we found out about this man, my son deleted him or blocked him. If an adult doesn't know your child personally--they likely don't need to be "their friend."
3. "What is the reason you believe kids start taking drugs? What causes them to ignore that voice in their head telling them it is wrong?"
My "experts" say:
" I think that category is so broad, so many kids try drugs for different reasons. Honestly I think it has a lot to do with personality of the kid in what actually starts them down that road. Me personally, it was boredom and truth seeking".
"Negative influences. Usually of the opposite sex, wanting you to "just try this."
"Low self-esteem makes most try it because they don't have the courage to stand up and say "no."
"Peer pressure. If someone at a party brings out pills or pot, or drugs, you feel pressure to do it. If you have been drinking, your inhibitions are not appropriate for making decisions. You may try something you wouldn't have."
Its important that we keep the line of communication open. I posted earlier about a family who put a sign in the yard where their daughter died from an overdose. That is powerful. It keeps people talking That is what needs to happen. Start talking. Ask questions. Don't think it cannot be your child.
On a good note, my daughter has 26 clean days now. I just got out my calendar to make sure my days were accurate. She said she feels fantastic. She is completely free of any opiate, drug, or "opiate blocker" (suboxone and methodone, which we all know I think is a joke). That is for another blog (again). She is in great spirits and I love the therapeutic setting. She called yesterday for me to send her some riding boots for equine therapy. She is doing well. Day by day. Minute by minute. She can do it. I have faith in her again. God has restored my faith. I've not been a particularly religious person---but I WILL tell you...God can work wonders in your life if you will let go and let it happen. I believe in the power of prayer. Thank you for yours.
As for your questions--keep asking them. I will try to get answers for anything you ask-- I may not know the answer, but will ask someone who does. Keep talking to your kids. Keep speaking up. The conversation has started. Let's keep it going.
No comments:
Post a Comment