On our way, we talked and talked. She told me how great she felt and how I "was right" about the detox. I have mentioned that probably 50 times in my blogs, because I've always wanted her to try to detox even just once, without medication. Just once, give it a try. She would never even consider it. The treatment facilities always deemed it a necessity and I never won that argument before.
We also began talking about a news story about a local boy who was shot and killed a few months ago and the day before, his sister and two guys were charged in his death. When I read the probable cause affidavit, it made me want to cry. It truly sounded as though this young man had let his sister live with him, she was hanging around a bad crowd, doing drugs, and so he kicked her out. In anger at him, she suggested they should rob him---so at one point, her friends did just that--they robbed him...only he lost his life, by being shot in the head. The whole time I'm reading this story, I'm getting physically sick to my stomach. I think of all the times my daughter tried to lure my son out to a parking lot, a place of business or to meet her somewhere to "borrow $25" and thank God he never would do it. All I could imagine, is that some thugs she was associating, would hurt him, rob him, or do something unimaginable, all because of her drug use. When I told Addi this story, she started crying. She said "I would never let anything happen to him." I said "YOU COULDN'T HAVE CONTROLLED IT. When you are hanging around people who steal, lie, rob, make and sell drugs--they don't care what he means to you. They don't care what anyone means to anyone...they don't care about YOU. Do you get that? This girl probably loved her brother just as much and just because she got hooked on drugs and mad at him and said something out of anger, she had two people listening who decided to carry it out. NOW HE IS GONE." That story haunted me. It haunted me to the point, that I had many times made my son take precaution after precaution for his safety when Addi was out and about. In all reality, due to the dangers of drug addicts around town, we ALL must be vigilant when walking to our cars, locking our doors, etc...because you just never know. I think I made the point that people as desperate as someone gets when searching for heroin, they do not value their own life, let alone someone else's. It's terrifying. I felt sick for that family. I still do. God bless them. Losing both children, virtually--over drugs. It's not fair. I pray for them every single night.
We got to the hotel we were staying at for the night and we carried in the massive amount of bags and bags of clothes for her to sort through. Her "mentor" had given her a book to read and wanted to her to take a test about her interests, strengths, etc. from the book "Strengths Finder" so she also started reading that so she could take her exam for her first "task assigned." She seemed so excited to take the test, and so excited to prove to him that his investment would pay off.
We also got out the box of items that I had brought her, including her new Study Bible I had purchased...She was very touched by it. I opened it up to show her what made it a "Study Bible" as the man had shown me in the store, with the notes and related scriptures written below. I literally just opened up the Bible--not having a scripture in mind. I opened it up to Jeremiah 29:11 that said "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Perfect. Really any passage in the Bible is perfect timing when you need it. This one was particularly perfect. That night, we talked, we visited, we laughed and we enjoyed each other's company. I loved being in her presence. She loved taking a bath and then a shower and then another bath. She hadn't had that "spa treatment" in a long time and hadn't had a real bath in almost a month. Her body was so marred with scars. It broke my heart that my baby girl had waged war on her own body with the infection from drug use. I caught myself staring at her back when she was in the bath tub. Praying "Please God, make this be the end of this nightmare once and for all. Please save my daughter." I couldn't sleep that night. I woke up at 3 AM or so and blogged, just staring at her. The next morning her journey would begin a 12 month long program---and what scared me the most, is she didn't seem scared at all.
The next morning, I woke up to many messages and one was from a sweet friend named Andrea. She told me "This verse popped up in my "on this day 5 years ago" and reading your blog it made me think of Addi." She went on to write "Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 12 Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart." I instantly wrote her back. "Wild. We opened up her new Bible last night to that same verse...just on "accident." She responded, "Funny how God works." Indeed. Wow.
We got ready to make the rest of our trip. Ironically enough, as we got about an hour or so away, we were following our GPS--and it told me to turn around and make a U Turn. That couldn't be correct. I called the office to confirm the directions. I'll be honest, I worried about her safety of anyone knowing where she was--or more of anybody who considered going and finding her to take her away and back into that world---ironically, the GPS doesn't lead you to it at all...it leads you about and hour out of the way. Technical glitch, they say? I say "Heaven sent." We pulled up this long winding gravel road and there it was....her home for at least the next 12 months...and it was beautiful, peaceful, serene, welcoming...it was home.
We walked to the front porch and the supervisor welcomed us in. You know how you visualize someone when you talk to them on the phone and hear their voice and they NEVER look like you would think? This woman was so sweet, and so kind and so helpful and I had her pictured as this dainty, darling, dark haired woman. She was a dainty, darling, dark haired woman. The home was so clean and inviting and there was a beautiful kitchen, dining room, living room and upstairs it had spacious bedrooms, with beds and bathrooms and "welcome" toiletries trays for each girl. All women. All addicts...all there to find healing. I said "This is all so surreal. It feels so right. I cannot believe how peaceful this feels. I almost can feel the presence of my Grandparents at this house." Susie (I will call the supervisor as an alias) said "I can tell you that when you contacted us, we didn't think we were going to have a bed available--but we prayed about it and decided somehow we needed you here, that you needed to be here. We decided we would somehow make room to add one more because God was leading you here--then we got a call that another girl had decided to go elsewhere so it opened up a bed. God wants you here, Addi. You were meant to be here." Chills ran down my spine. There was that feeling of the holy spirit again. I really like that feeling. Addi, confidently said "I know he does."
I unpacked the car and all of her belongings and we said our goodbyes. As I drove away, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't felt in months, years. I felt she was safe. I felt she was good. I felt she was ready. I felt God.
As I was on the highway, I looked down on my phone and on my Facebook page, I had a message. It was from a woman who wanted to reach out to me, to tell me a story about her family. She said she had been reading my blog and had read about the closeness of my son and daughter. She wanted to tell me the story of her family, so that I could teach Addison a lesson that she should be told, so she could see the risks, the damage, the pain, the loss that she could have in living a life of drugs...that she could hurt the one that she loved the most. She wanted to tell me about her niece who got tangled up in drugs and the wrong crowd--and that it cost her brother his life. She was the aunt of the kids from Oklahoma. The same family I had just told Addi about on the drive up. I told her that it was amazing that she messaged me, that I had too, thought of my children when reading that story and how terribly tragic it was--but it did remind me of my children. She said how hard it was to think about the pain her niece feels in knowing her choices caused her brother's death and that yet, their family still loved her--and rightfully so. That story makes me so sad. Please pray for that family. I told her if it is any consolation, I did think about what my son would want in that situation--and I know he would want us to still love her. He would want her to find forgiveness because he would know that his REAL sister wouldn't have ever hurt him.
God was tugging on my heart in all directions and the fact that a family in such a horrible time of tragedy could even think of mine--meant so much to me.
I got home safely and when I walked in the door, I noticed papers on the kitchen counter. They were my little one's preschool papers. His Bible verse of the month? You guessed it...Jeremiah 29:11....
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