A Letter to My Sister

         I love my sister. I always have supported her, have always believed in her, and have always known that she is something great. Through everything, I have always known God has a plan for her. Were there times I thought she was going to die? Yes. There were many. But deep down, I hoped and prayed that my sister, the sister  that I watched play softball, that I traveled to the beach with our Nina and Papa, that read me monster stories when we were kids,  would someday be back. How could she do this? How could my sister of all people choose drugs? We went through all the same things? My dad walked out on me too? My grandpas passed away when I was young too? These were all questions that rolled through my mind over and over. Why the heck would she turn to drugs when we lived in the same life and had the same things go wrong? Why would she choose drugs over our family? Over me? It didn’t make sense to me and I didn’t understand how that lifestyle would be anything she would choose for herself. 

To my sister, I have wondered how you could ever do some of the things you did. It will never make sense to me, nor will I ever understand addiction. I do believe that you didn’t choose to be addicted, I do believe in my heart you made poor decisions and because of them, addiction chose you. I regret not saying something to you when you were in college, I regret not coming and visiting you more to see what you were doing or who you were friends with, I regret being so caught up in my own life that I didn’t spend more time with you to realize what was about to happen right before our eyes. I regret not calling you every day so you knew you could talk to me and that I was always there. I will always think of the things I could have done better for you to help you no matter what you say, I will always know I could have done more. 

     I am sorry that our papas died and you had to deal with that pain. I am sorry that our dad walked out on us and doesn't speak to us. I am sorry that you were in a car wreck and I am sorry that you felt lonely. I am sorry you weren’t pulled back in before you had to endure all of this. I have never talked to you about all the things that went wrong for us, but I know, it hurt. I hope you realized and still know you can always talk to me. I know you are the one who keeps to yourself more, while I’ll sob a river, but know you can always talk to me when something is wrong and I hope you know I will always love to hear what you have stored in your heart. 

     Regardless of the past, I forgive you for the choices you have made because you are my sister. I forgive you for missing my college football career, I forgive you for being absent on holidays, I forgive you for calling me asking for money, I forgive you for stealing from our parents, I forgive you for everything you have ever done. I will never hold anything over your head. I’m not a better son than you are daughter and I am not a better brother than you are sister. I now see that the sickness that took over your life is a disease that can take over anyone’s. I just didn’t get caught up in some of the things you did, and I am fortunate for that because I see now it can happen to anyone and could have just as easily been me.

     More than anything, I am thankful you are still alive and still so young. I am thankful I saw your genuine smile for the first time in 6 years, even if it was through glass at the jail. I am thankful you taught me so many lessons about life and choices.  I am thankful you now have a relationship with God.  I am thankful you were arrested that day and it brought you to where you are now and saved your life. I am thankful because I know in my heart, that God chose you to stay on earth and share your story with others who are going through the pain, the sickness and the hell that you have been through. He chose you.

     I am so thankful that God kept you on this earth to be my sister again...so maybe you can read my children "The Monster Story" someday, as you did for me.  I am thankful that we can soon sit and talk about what our lives entail next and our futures, because both of ours are bright. Whatever God's plans are for you, I am thankful that you are still here. 

                                                                            Love, 
                                                                           Your brother.