This is a tragic story that is raw, real and fresh. I want to thank Stacie for sharing her story. I first met Stacie on Mother's Day weekend while visiting my daughter. She walked up to me and my son and introduced herself and she told me "Mom, she is going to make it." She then shared her own story. I can recall feeling surprised that she was in recovery. She didn't "look" like an addict. She didn't "look" like someone who had struggled so badly with addiction. She gave me hope at a time I was very jaded and had little expectations. I think she will give you hope, too...and show you the hard cold truth of the reality of being an addict in love with an addict and how absolutely crucial it is that you change your playground and playmates. It is life or death. They were two people who wanted sobriety but chose different routes in the end. Stacie will change lives by sharing her story. Stay strong, Stacie. We all love you.
Here is her story...
"I sit here writing my love story through my tears.
I first met Chris at NA, where we were both trying to fight our addiction. I first noticed his big, beautiful brown eyes. Chris was very different from any man I had ever dated. He was the son of an addict and had been through things others can only imagine. Growing up, his dad would spend their bill money on crack and he had to sleep in his shoes because his dad would get high on Xanax and chase him with an axe or anything handy. That was the only life he ever knew.
As a young teen he sold pot but eventually graduated to heroin. See, although we were both from Knoxville, we grew up on opposite sides of the tracks. Chris was unbelievably smart. Although he only had a 5th grade education, he constantly educated himself. I was so attracted to how he knew so much about so many different topics. He protected me. I was very naive and he always looked out for me.
When I met Chris, I was in the deepest pain I had ever experienced. I had just took care of my daddy, my best friend, for a year. I watched him deteriorate and eventually held him as he died. When I met Chris, I wanted to die. We were on IV heroin really bad. That was our life. He used to tell me that "no couple on heroin makes it." He would beg me for us to get sober and have a normal life. He'd tell me how I had experienced a normal life but he never had. He'd beg me for us to get clean, with the promise that we'd be happy and the other would always be there for me to turn back to. My mission was to die. Every shot I took, I'd pray I wouldn't wake up. I overdosed several times and he'd always look out for me. Once I was dead and he gave me CPR til the EMT's arrived. I awoke in ICU and cursed at him for not letting me go.
Chris was very miserable inside. He claimed to be an atheist and wanted nothing to do with Jesus. I had graduated from a Christian school. I knew about Jesus but didn't know him. I knew he was God and a lot of facts but had no relationship with him. February of 2015, Chris went to Memphis Teen Challenge and he met Jesus Christ. I went to Primrose Hill Teen Challenge and encountered the living God. I learned in my heart that he loves me and that changed my life! I graduated March 3rd of this year. I chose to stay here in Missouri because of all the support I have here. and I was blessed with an amazing job as an activities director at an assisted living center.
Chris stayed in Memphis and continued to battle alone. After 14 months he was released for continually being dishonest. It takes a long time to renew your mind and completely change how you think. We loved each other, but I took my counselor's advice to heart. I was advised not to bring him to Missouri too quickly. I was advised that I shouldn't even take the chance of possibility going backwards. We would talk and he admitted to me that he was drinking a little too much and using steroids. He stayed at the motel he was working at and felt he wasn't in a position to advance his life.
On June 8th, he was found guilty of grand theft auto. That was for something he had done in our past, while high on Xanax. On June 27th my teen challenge leadership came to my work to tell me my husband had died. Chris had overdosed alone in his hotel room. The hardest things I've ever had to do followed. I drove 7 hours to Memphis. His boss let me stay there for free. I went to the coroner and identified my husband. Next I proceeded to make funeral arrangements for him.
My heart is broken in two. It is only by the grace of God that I sit here sober telling our story. Chris encountered Jesus. He met him and believed in him. He just chose to do things his way vs God's and didn't make wise choices. He had amazing counsel in his life, but he believed the lie that he could dabble. He believed he could be a functional addict. I sit here heartbroken and confused. I wanted to die, I chased death with all that I had and it was Chris who wanted to live. He actually wanted to live a real life without drugs, a life he knew nothing about. How did this happen to us now?
I sit here determined to make a difference. I sit here determined to make my husband proud. I sit here with strength that can only come from God. I was the lowest of lows. My lawyer told me I was a "worthless junkie and better of dead." My lawyer was WRONG. I sit here wanting hope to rise up in you. Hope for that loved one of yours that you think is hopeless. If God can change me, He can change ANYONE! Chris did not die in vain..I will share our story with anyone that will listen. Jesus lives and makes all things new...
I KNOW my life was spared to share the HOPE we have for FREEDOM in Jesus."
Here is her story...
"I sit here writing my love story through my tears.
I first met Chris at NA, where we were both trying to fight our addiction. I first noticed his big, beautiful brown eyes. Chris was very different from any man I had ever dated. He was the son of an addict and had been through things others can only imagine. Growing up, his dad would spend their bill money on crack and he had to sleep in his shoes because his dad would get high on Xanax and chase him with an axe or anything handy. That was the only life he ever knew.
As a young teen he sold pot but eventually graduated to heroin. See, although we were both from Knoxville, we grew up on opposite sides of the tracks. Chris was unbelievably smart. Although he only had a 5th grade education, he constantly educated himself. I was so attracted to how he knew so much about so many different topics. He protected me. I was very naive and he always looked out for me.
When I met Chris, I was in the deepest pain I had ever experienced. I had just took care of my daddy, my best friend, for a year. I watched him deteriorate and eventually held him as he died. When I met Chris, I wanted to die. We were on IV heroin really bad. That was our life. He used to tell me that "no couple on heroin makes it." He would beg me for us to get sober and have a normal life. He'd tell me how I had experienced a normal life but he never had. He'd beg me for us to get clean, with the promise that we'd be happy and the other would always be there for me to turn back to. My mission was to die. Every shot I took, I'd pray I wouldn't wake up. I overdosed several times and he'd always look out for me. Once I was dead and he gave me CPR til the EMT's arrived. I awoke in ICU and cursed at him for not letting me go.
Chris was very miserable inside. He claimed to be an atheist and wanted nothing to do with Jesus. I had graduated from a Christian school. I knew about Jesus but didn't know him. I knew he was God and a lot of facts but had no relationship with him. February of 2015, Chris went to Memphis Teen Challenge and he met Jesus Christ. I went to Primrose Hill Teen Challenge and encountered the living God. I learned in my heart that he loves me and that changed my life! I graduated March 3rd of this year. I chose to stay here in Missouri because of all the support I have here. and I was blessed with an amazing job as an activities director at an assisted living center.
Chris stayed in Memphis and continued to battle alone. After 14 months he was released for continually being dishonest. It takes a long time to renew your mind and completely change how you think. We loved each other, but I took my counselor's advice to heart. I was advised not to bring him to Missouri too quickly. I was advised that I shouldn't even take the chance of possibility going backwards. We would talk and he admitted to me that he was drinking a little too much and using steroids. He stayed at the motel he was working at and felt he wasn't in a position to advance his life.
On June 8th, he was found guilty of grand theft auto. That was for something he had done in our past, while high on Xanax. On June 27th my teen challenge leadership came to my work to tell me my husband had died. Chris had overdosed alone in his hotel room. The hardest things I've ever had to do followed. I drove 7 hours to Memphis. His boss let me stay there for free. I went to the coroner and identified my husband. Next I proceeded to make funeral arrangements for him.
My heart is broken in two. It is only by the grace of God that I sit here sober telling our story. Chris encountered Jesus. He met him and believed in him. He just chose to do things his way vs God's and didn't make wise choices. He had amazing counsel in his life, but he believed the lie that he could dabble. He believed he could be a functional addict. I sit here heartbroken and confused. I wanted to die, I chased death with all that I had and it was Chris who wanted to live. He actually wanted to live a real life without drugs, a life he knew nothing about. How did this happen to us now?
I sit here determined to make a difference. I sit here determined to make my husband proud. I sit here with strength that can only come from God. I was the lowest of lows. My lawyer told me I was a "worthless junkie and better of dead." My lawyer was WRONG. I sit here wanting hope to rise up in you. Hope for that loved one of yours that you think is hopeless. If God can change me, He can change ANYONE! Chris did not die in vain..I will share our story with anyone that will listen. Jesus lives and makes all things new...
I KNOW my life was spared to share the HOPE we have for FREEDOM in Jesus."
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