I'm getting so many messages from people wanting help and I simply don't have the answers. I'm not an addiction counselor. I have no qualifications to advise you. I literally am nothing but a mom with a blog. Truly.
I can tell you how it feels to love your addicted daughter and try to get her help and the horrible feeling when she just blows you off.
I can tell you how it feels to know your kid is lying to you.
I can tell you how heart wrenching it is to see your own flesh and blood stammer out sentences and have wounds on their flesh that you are know are from drugs and they claim they are "spider bites."
I can tell you how it feels when the first time you take your child to a rehab and you think they are magically going to fix them and they put them on "opiate blocking receptors" or whatever other poppycock names they have---and I can also tell you they don't work.
I can tell you how it feels to go to bed for nearly a week because you grieve someone who is still alive.
I can tell you how it feels when you think you are losing your damn mind when your earrings are missing, or your money is missing, and it just so happens your addict was just there--but they "don't know what happened to it."
I can tell you how it feels to know that you have paid for college to better your child's life and that they have dropped out of school, THREE TIMES...
I can tell you what it feels like to look at the person you gave birth to and almost hate their guts.
I can tell you how it feels to dread answering the phone or door after a certain hour.
I can tell you how it feels like to plan your daughter's funeral while she is still alive. I'm still struggling with whether I use the "softball coaches", "little brothers"...the "cousins"...the "uncles" or her REAL high school friends (none that ever used drugs with her) as pall bearers.
I can tell you what song I want played at her funeral, dedicated to her brother...that she picked out.
I can tell you how it feels when she relapsed many times.
I can tell you the pain I feel, as the mother of an addict...but I can also tell you that I had times I felt it couldn't be worse. I felt her death would be a relief...and was told by friends who had children who died, say "NO. YOU DO NOT MEAN THAT!" I can also tell you, that they told me--- "that as long as they are breathing and living...THERE IS HOPE." They were right. Although, I didn't feel that way six months ago, or 16 months ago. I do feel that now. There truly is hope.
I can't counsel you.
I'm not qualified to do an intervention.
I'm not a police officer (even though I'd love to be promoted to detective because I would solve some crimes REAL FRAPPIN' FAST).
I'm not a doctor. I can't detox your child and I can only tell you what I did with mine. I don't know what drugs your loved one has taken...and honestly---do YOU even know for sure? Truthfully, you probably have no real idea.
I CAN tell you this...I love my daughter with all my heart and she was my first love of my life. I started blogging when I felt she was dying. I re-started when it was over in my mind so I just wanted to help someone else. She was done. It was a matter of time...BUT I stand before you today and am happy to report that I have a girl who is 60 days clean and writing letters to her loved ones, expressing love and talking about her hopes, dreams, and promise of a better future.
THERE IS A GOD, there is a way out and there are people qualified to help you get there. If you are where you can read this and need help...utilize your computer, your phone, or walk into any church in this area. Impact, Destiny, CCO, Carterville Christian Church, Forest Park, St. Paul's... the list goes on and on....and someone CAN help you. If you don't believe that God is your answer--walk into Mercy Hospital or a facility that will help you without drugging you.
I can tell you that BHG is not your friend. They are a there for your money. They don't care if you live or die.
I can tell you that there are some real doctors in this world who care.
My doctor, for example. He won't peddle you pills. He will help you get help. He is a good man. He has dealt with my daughter for years and tried to help her. Sorry Doc, for throwing you in my blog---but he is the real deal. He doesn't give you drugs just because you want them and he does care about his patients. If it wasn't 11:30 pm, I would give his name. I don't want to do that without asking him first.
So...I am going to compile a resource list and send it to anyone who requests it. You choose the avenue to get help. I am nothing more than a writer. A person living it with you. A poster distributor for awareness. I cannot fix my own family. If I could, I wouldn't even have this blog.
I want all of us to help each other and I want kids lives to be saved. If you have a resource for recovery to add to the list, please message me with it. I will add it.
I love the faith so many of you have in me--but I'm just not qualified to do it and would never want to steer you wrong.
With MUCH LOVE...together we can make a difference.
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