I hate Facebook for many reasons, but in the social media world, it is a necessary evil to get your message spread widely. One of the things I absolutely loathe is that conversations that I have no part of, will show up in my news feed sometimes if a friend of mine comments. Fortunately, I haven't taken my mom's approach, by commenting on everything I see. She comments on literally everything.
Today, I had something pop up that boiled my blood. I started to respond to a conversation that I was not involved. I deleted. I typed again. I deleted. I read where a "boyfriend" of a girl who just passed away in April, was disrespecting her mother. The mom, who would like to deactivate her daughter's account is in the same boat I am in on one of my daughter's accounts. She has zero information to change her daughter's settings. Facebook is zero help in this regard. My daughter had a "boyfriend" who changed her contact information after their break up--so due to neither of us having any ability to receive secret codes or emails or anything---this account still exists and she cannot get Facebook to shut it down. It's irritating. If my daughter had died and I was experiencing this "tagging" from her drug addict friends, I would probably not handle it as well as this lady has done. It is a natural feeling to want to protect your daughter's reputation, her history and her memories that you can see on her social media. If she wants people to stop tagging her daughter, because they were the same people that she feels negatively impacted her daughter's choices--or even if it is just a bad reminder to her senseless loss---then respect her mother. For God's sake, this woman buried her daughter over a stupid choice to do drugs. Respect the fact she wants to salvage her daughter's page without interference by others. Her loss IS the greatest pain and she doesn't need to defend that feeling to anyone, certainly not to people who are still making those stupid choices.
As I perused a bit more, I noticed several familiar names of young adults who are trying to get clean, trying to stay clean, also commenting on his status, and it baffled me. It started concerning me a great deal, actually, because two girls in particular, I care about a great deal. How would they feel if they passed away and this response was being aimed at their grieving mother's? Think about that.
Hanging around, associating with, or being a part of a group of people who are still in addictive addiction is a sure ticket to your relapse. Unless you are all going to an NA meeting together (and that doesn't always ensure sobriety either)--there is nothing good that will come from hanging onto these relationships. Every person I have talked to that has stayed clean for years and is actually doing well has either had to move away--or they completely do not hang around the group of people they did before. They can't. Too many triggers, too many bad influences and too many temptations to self destruct.
Look at your friends list if you are in recovery. Do you still have friends that dealt you drugs? Do you still have friends who you used drugs with? Do you still have friends that are in active addiction posting their ignorant posts bragging about doing drugs? If so---DELETE, BLOCK, WHATEVER---BUT distance yourself NOW. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pray for their recovery or wish them well--but you cannot save someone else while trying to save yourself. Recovery must be selfish and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost.
I'll be candid. When I see the same young adults who I KNOW are addicts or have been addicts, chiming in on posts--it sets off my radar. It makes me think its still trickling into your head. It makes me think that you still are living a secret life of sorts. It makes me think you haven't had the balls to cut off the contact to "that world."
In the drug free world---our friends aren't on Facebook post alerts nearly every other night stealing from stores. Our friends aren't overdosing and people bailing out of the house to prevent from being caught at the scene. Our friends aren't on the weekly arrest reports. Our friends pay their bills and have jobs. Our friends aren't couch surfing and homeless and stealing stuff from people's cars to buy drugs. If your friends list consists of those people--you need to clean up your friends list. You are not doing yourself any favors. As a matter of fact, tonight, I'm going to clean up my own friends list. I don't even want to associate with anyone who is living that life my daughter is trying to free herself from. I'll talk to anyone on my public page, but my personal page is getting an overhaul. I've gotten so many friend requests that I stopped accepting them--so if you request me as a friend, please send me a message of who you are and why you are adding me. If you are friends of my family, I'll add ya. I'm just not opening up my private life to every person on earth. I want to help as many people as I can--but I too, want to protect my daughter and her fight for recovery.
I'm watching some people in recovery who are working so hard to start over---they don't need your negative influences. If recovery isn't your goal--then leave recovering addicts alone. They don't need your invitation to hell.
I'm not saying that an addict's life is less valuable--you should absolutely pray that they see the light and come back to planet earth. We should all support everyone who wants to be free from addiction--but in order to be free yourself, you MUST cut off those who prevent you from starting over. I really do believe all lives are valuable and all people should deserve a chance to change...but if your same friends commenting on your page are the same ones who watched you stick a needle in your arm, you need to change your friends.
Those in recovery must shield their hearts, their minds and their goals from negative influences if they want to make it.
Fight for your life. Let that other life go. Do it for you, because you deserve it.
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